Grief is so difficult. Even saying that is such an understatement. In grief, we experience lots of confusion. We have so many new feelings that we have to try to sort out and deal with, as a result of that loved one’s death. We have to deal with lots of regrets and lots of irrational thoughts as well. It is so important to find people, teachers, and friends that you can trust with your feelings. It is important to find people that you know will listen to what you have to say in order to get the feelings off of your chest. It is so important to talk about your feelings when grieving. Otherwise, all of those thoughts and feelings just pile up until they start boiling over, and until it all just explodes.
Grief is a process. This is key to understanding the process of grief. It is especially important because it provides hope to a person that is having to deal with the grief of losing a loved one. Just because it may start extremely difficult, that does not by any means mean that it will stay like that forever. Over time it will get easier, it won’t disappear but the grief and the weightiness of it will lighten up a bit.
Grief is quite complicated. There are many different ways that people grieve. Some people spend their whole period of grieving without shedding a single tear. But, do you wanna know what, that is okay. My point in saying this is this; Everybody’s grief is unique, and different, just like a snowflake. Just like no two snowflakes are the same, no two people grieve in the same ways. Sure, there may be plenty of similarities between people, but everybody’s grief journey is unique, in and of itself.
In the midst of grief, people do not always know when to say something and also when they should just keep quiet because some things are better off being left unsaid. People do not always know how to respond when the people around them are grieving the loss of a loved one. It is a complicated thing to say the least. You want to be able to help that person because you love and care about them, but when we grieve things often get confusing. Your mind can feel like a rat’s nest at times. While grieving you tend to also be much more sensitive and touchy, therefore you may take things the wrong way much more quickly.
An important thing to note is that just because you may not feel as much weight and that it gets easier over time, that does not at all mean that you love or miss your person any less. It just means that you have learned how to deal with your grief and how not to let it take over your life. It shows that you learned how to get past that grief and move on with your life. It means that you love your person so much that you have accepted the fact that they are not with you, but that they are instead enjoying all the glory and the joys that Heaven has to offer.
Pain. There is lots of pain included in the grieving process. Why must we endure all of this pain, you might wonder? Well, God sends us pain for many reasons, God sends us pain so that we look to Him, the Ultimate Healer and the Sustainer of life. If we look at ourselves in pain, we realize that we are as helpless as a newborn baby, dependent on somebody outside of ourselves. Our dependence is on God alone. He alone is able to remove the pain, guilt, and shame that we often experience while grieving.
God has everything, every situation, every death, planned out for a specific reason. They are all for our good, whether we recognize them or not. Whether a difficult road is long or short, God is using it to change us, to conform us more and more unto the likeness of his son. He uses them to help to strengthen our faith. In troubles, we learn to look to our Heavenly Father, who is able to provide us with all things necessary for both our souls and bodies. We see that we are helpless and weak creatures, that we cannot do anything in and of our own strength.
During the grieving process, we often experience lots of “why” questions. Why do I have to be going through this? Why does everybody around me seem to be just going on with their lives as if something traumatic did not just happen? Why does God take somebody away from me and not somebody else? These questions are only a few of many that may run through the minds of a grieving person. What is the answer to them all? Is it unfair? Does God love me less? Is there something wrong with me, is that why these things happen to me? The answer to all of these response questions is a huge, absolute no!
God does not take our loved ones to Heaven as a punishment to us. It is not a punishment for something that we did wrong. Rather, it is the complete opposite. Sure, death is a result of the fall of our first-parents Adam and Eve into sin. But these sins, the ones that got passed down all the way to us in our generations, are covered. Christ died to cover them. He shed his blood to take away the curse and the sting of death. When God takes our loved ones to Heaven, it is a huge blessing.
Why do we have to deal with all of this death and sorrow when other people around us are just going on with their lives; as if nothing traumatic just occurred; the loss of a child, sibling, nephew/niece, grandchild, cousin, uncle/aunt, or a dear friend? God tells us that, at some point in our earthly pilgrimage, we will experience pain, trials, sorrow, and tribulation. It is due to the fact that Adam disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden, falling into sin. Suffering is one of the effects of the Fall.
There is such great comfort in the midst of death and troubles. God uses all of these troubles that he sends upon his people for their good. In trials we learn many things. We learn about the condition of our spiritual life, how strong our faith is, and if we have been putting our trust in our Faithful God like we should be. God sends all of these troubles to strengthen our faith in Him. God will not send troubles upon us that he knows we can not handle. Therefore we know that we can get through anything, because God is there with us each and every step of the way. We see that we need to take our prayers to the Lord, for he alone can heal our troubled hearts.
God sends trials upon us to strengthen our faith. If we do not ever have troubles, then we will at times feel as if we can do whatever we are pleased to do. In trials we are forced to look up to our Heavenly Father, the one who is capable of all things. He alone has the power to strengthen, uphold, and preserve us in the midst of our trials, and eventually He is the one that will deliver you and I up to our eternal home, Heaven. What a glorious day that will be.
Kierra Hauck
Young Calvinists 