Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy as a young mother? Maybe you have been repeating to yourself a narrative that you aren’t equipped to be a mother. Whatever might be running through your mind, I want to encourage you with the narrative of scripture.
Romans 12:2 reminds us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Ephesians 4:22 tells us to put off the habitual thought patterns of the old man. 2 Corinthians 10: 5 instructs us to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. That is, we cannot let thoughts run amok in our minds, going down rabbit holes of “what-ifs”, or spinning hypothetical scenarios. Every thought must be taken captive like a prisoner of war, examined and determined if it serves Christ in faith and obedience. I don’t know about you, but my mind often feels like a battleground of what I know to be true in God’s word, and what my sinful flesh wants to believe. When we discover that a thought has been traitorous to the cause of Christ, we rebuke it.
Often, we sabotage our own peace and joy by not protecting our minds and hearts from the indoctrination of the world. Doomscrolling to escape the demands of motherhood exposes us to quick, but effective, soundbites that conform us to the pattern of this world (Romans 12:2a). We watch an Instagram reel or a YouTube Short that complains about motherhood. The algorithm notices it caught our interest begins to feed us with more “relatable motherhood” content. In these videos, mothers are complaining about shouldering most of the household labor, complaining about husbands adding to their mental load, and even suggesting that stay-at-home-moms in a one-income household are suffering from financial abuse. Men on social media have taken note and create content that showcase how they are “equal partners” in their relationship. They video themselves folding laundry, making appointments for the children, and asking carefully crafted questions so as not to add to their wife’s mental fatigue. The mother watching begins to believe that those men are the standard for truly loving husbands. She looks at her husband and how short he falls from the men she just watched. Bitterness towards her husband creeps in, and discontentment fills her soul.
Colossians 2:8 warns us against this spoiling of our minds, “Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the traditions of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ.” How much time do you spend programming your mind with the philosophy of the world through scrolling social media, watching TV shows, or reading trashy romance novels? Instead, fill your mind with God’s Word. Read books on motherhood written by godly Christian women. I highly recommend the three books written by Abbie Halberstadt: M is for Mama, Hard is not the Same thing as Bad, and You Bet Your Stretch Marks. Find godly older women in church who can encourage you and offer you biblical wisdom. These older women have the calling to teach you to love your husband, love your children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, and obedient to your husband (Titus 2:4-5). God will use them to help you to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, your Savior (2 Peter 3:18).
The answer to our feelings of inadequacy in motherhood does not include a “muscle-up” attitude. It begins with the realization that, “I can’t do this on my own”. We need the supernatural strength that Christ can provide. Moms are not “superheroes”. We are mortal and flawed human beings. We forget important dates and appointments, sin against our husbands and children, burn the dinner, get into at-fault car accidents, and give our children awful haircuts. Sometimes we can laugh at our foibles, but sometimes we cry and wonder if we caused lasting damage to our children emotionally or spiritually. We must remember that we need Christ.
This requires true humility. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up”. God promises to give grace to the humble (James 4:6). This humility involves humbling ourselves before God in prayer. The posture of prayer requires us to acknowledge our full dependency on God for our physical and spiritual needs. Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” God promises that he will answer our prayers when we ask in faith. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering” (James 1:5-6).
Humility in motherhood also requires that we deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Jesus (Matthew 16:24). “For whosever will save his life shall lose it: and whosever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). This is a hard pill to swallow, because it requires swallowing our pride, and our pride is enormous. We are very protective of our me-times, and we think: “I need to fill my cup before I can pour into my family. I can’t pour from an empty cup!” This thought does not align with Psalm 23 that says, “Thou preparest me a table…thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.” We don’t fill our own cups. God fills our cups, and they run over. If your cup is looking empty, and you are not sure how you are going to serve your family today, ask God to fill your cup! Start your day with reading God’s word and prayer even if it is 5 minutes, and let God fill you up. God is able “to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20).
This self-denial requires sacrifice. Romans 12:1 says, “present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” The physical effects of motherhood become readily apparent soon after we find out we are pregnant. After the baby is born, we feed our babies from our own substance. We endure nutrient deficiencies as a result. These unpleasant experiences are part of our sanctification. I Timothy 2:15 says, “Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing”. It is God’s will that we are sanctified through childbearing and rearing. Hebrews 12:11 says, “Now no chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” God’s purpose in motherhood is to produce in us the fruit of righteousness. James 1:2-4 says, “count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
In everything, it is important to keep our eyes on Jesus. When Peter stepped out of the boat to meet Jesus in Matthew 14:29, he did so with a touch of pride. When he saw the waves crashing around him, he became afraid, took his eyes off Jesus, and began to sink (verse 30). He cried out to Jesus to save him, and Jesus reached out to lift him out of the water. Jesus rebuked him, “O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” (verse 31). When we take our eyes of Jesus, we doubt that he is able to be our strength and guide. We doubt that he can actually help us in our current troubles. We wonder, “What can Jesus do about this mountain of laundry, the bathroom that hasn’t been cleaned in two weeks, or the colicky baby that won’t stop crying?” We imagine that we have the answer to our problem (miraculously neat piles of clean laundry, a clean bathroom, and a baby that stops crying). However, Jesus’ answer to our problem is faith in him. He is working in us something far better than a clean house and content children: the perfection of our faith. Therefore, we look unto Jesus “the author and finisher of our faith” as we “run with patience the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
In summary, renew your mind with the truth of Scripture with regards to motherhood. Don’t fill your mind with the ideas of the world on social media, in TV shows, in worldly music or unedifying novels. Acknowledge that you need Christ, and pray to God for the grace to be faithful in your calling. Understand that motherhood requires self-denial and sacrifice, and that this is necessary for your sanctification and the perfection of your faith. Ultimately, keep your eyes on Jesus when the waves of life threaten to drown you. God promises that when life seems overwhelming, he will be with us. “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. For I am the Lord thy God, the Holy One of Israel, thy Saviour:” (Isaiah 43:2-3).
By Rebekah Buiter
