The life of the Christian contains many trials, sorrows, and tests of faith. Each teaches us deeper conviction of sin, sincerity of repentance, and love for God. I’d like to share a trial that’s changed my faith in recent years.
It’s been a year since my brother passed away. The deep hurt and sin that was involved made this loss very complicated. In some ways, I was reminded of King David losing his son – I prayed, cried and begged God to change my brother while he was alive, and when he passed, I had to accept God’s providential will for my family.
A couple months after he passed, at my ladies Bible Study, I nearly broke down as I felt the rawness of my sorrow, lamentation, and even anger. We read Psalm 81 and sang Psalter 222. As we read and sang, I saw my own desperate desire that a loved one turn from sin as God expresses to His people. God, of course, in righteous indignation, myself in helpless sorrow. There is, of course, more to the differences there, but delving into the theology of where the comparison breaks down is for another article, from someone more educated than myself.
It was where the Psalmist in Psalm 81 declares that God should have fed them with the finest of wheat, I found myself bitterly thinking that God didn’t. He didn’t feed my brother, family, or myself with the finest of wheat, did He? It didn’t feel like it.
That night, my husband had a meeting, and I had my own – a heart to heart with my Father in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I confessed my failure, my confusion, my anger. I talked about everything I felt He’d taken from me in recent years, and owned up to counting the blessings He had given me as well! I handed over to Him my brother, and pleaded for my own forgiveness and sanctification.
I’ve described to friends how I picture myself standing before Abraham’s altar – and God says “Put your brother, sister, parents, children, house, church, on it.” And I weepingly do my best to obey, knowing that He alone is Good and His plan perfect.
All that doesn’t feel like the finest of wheat, it was pain, sorrow and heartbreak! There were many lessons learned, one of the most important being who I look for in Heaven. I no longer long for Glory with an eye to seeing my brother whole, seeing my grandparents, my dad, or other loved ones. No, imperfectly, but sincerely, I reach for Christ. Him alone, for no one or nothing else can compare! Maybe that lesson is the finest of wheat! As Psalm 73:25 puts it: “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.” Christ alone can give this satisfaction and fullness, may we all remember to look for it only in Him!
So, believing reader, whether you are a teen, young adult, middle aged or reaching the end of your pilgrimage, with whatever trial God has placed before you – loss of home, possessions, loved ones or health – He really will feed you with the finest of wheat. He himself is that finest wheat, the only One who can fill our spiritually aching, hungry souls! And He does feed us, it just doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.
“Yea with wheat the very finest
I their hunger will provide.
Bid the very rocks yield honey
That shall fully satisfy.”
Psalter 222/81B
By Suzie Altena
Young Calvinists 